I really enjoyed the video of Mataji. She had many insightful things to say. One of them that really resonated with me was about 3/4 through the video. She was talking about the devotee feeling God's love for them. She didn't spend much time on this, but she indicated that it was essential. For me, that is all that bhakti is. I find I don't have much love for Ma. I am easily distracted and my heart is often closed off to Her. This lack of affection use to concern me. It didn't bode well for the future of a wann-be-bhakta.
Then i realized something. My love for Ma is of little importance. Ma doesn't expect much from such a small thing as my heart. What is important is Ma's love for me and having a firm faith and trust in that love. Dryness comes to me when I depend on me loving Ma. Sweetness comes when I just know she loves me. When I stand in that simple conviction that she is loving me this very moment, my heart melts with affection and gratitude for Her. Devotion dawns in that conviction. I experience Her as a gentle sun of affection towards me. She shines her love upon me whether I am worthy or not, open to it or not, loving or not, pure or not. However I am, she shines Her love on me. That is all I need to know. In that experience of loving presence I also glow with love for Her. Her love for me or my love for Her is the same. There are no two loves. The path of bhakti for me, is the journey of awakening to the love that Ma has for me. Ma is the first bhakta and the only bhakta. She adores herself in all her forms and permutations. I don't have to concern myself whether I am growing in love or devotion. Ma loves me completely and this is all I need to be concern with. All else seems to unfold of its own accord.